Life Is Like Borrowed Chords...

Something can be said for taking moments out of your day to drink a little coffee and reflect on the graciousness of our God. While I'm over here dwelling on all of the parts of life that have brought me down, God is already thinking up ways to make my life a testimony of His power and grace. When I focus on all of the negative, God is working double time to bring my life to a positive ending. It's sort of like a borrowed chord. It doesn't sound right in the middle of the song, it sounds ugly and like it shouldn't belong. But God, the composer of life, knows the rules and He tonicizes it. He brings it back to where it should be, and then you can understand how that borrowed chord fit in and that it really did belong and it was placed there to tell a story. Maybe it was put there to spice it up, or depict the text of Christ. Life is a little like counterpoint, and it's a good thing we have a composer who not only knows the rules but He created them and is the best composer out there. 

just me

Hi. My name is Hannah.

Maybe you don't remember me, but this post is showing up for you because a long time ago I used to blog regularly and you must have liked me so you hit the little follow button. But, then I went to college and got busy. Which sort of stinks. But, now I'm home again {which doesn't stink!} and have found myself with time again. So here I am. Writing again. Wishing I wouldn't have taken the time away from the blog, because now I find it hard to figure out how to do this crazy thing again. But instead of saying all this, how about I reacquaint you all with myself? 

In these nine months I think I've changed a little. Hunter says I have. And he knows me better than probably anyone in the entire world, sometimes a heck of a lot better than I know me. So he's probably right. I think I've been changed, and not because of some life-changing chapel service that I'll forever remember. Or some really awesome Shupe Group {Bethel lingo for Freshman Girls Bible study}. If I'm being completely honest with you all, which I've learned is the best way to be, I didn't really learn that much through the chapel services or the Bible studies. I learned about who I am through everyday dorm life, and everyday class life. I changed more in those two hour Exploring Christian Faith classes during the first semester that I loved, yet hated because it was a part of my F.Y.E. than in all of the chapel services put together. I discovered more of who I was during the nights of laughing and opening up to my newfound friends. Through my freshman year I learned how to open up completely, to let people see me for me. I've always said that I was a genuine person, but I think I've finally truly learned what exactly it means to be transparent. And sometimes transparency means that people get upset with me, and they don't like what I have to say. But I'm no longer afraid of the anger that people might have towards me. I'm no longer afraid of making people uncomfortable. I will apologize still for making you uncomfortable, because I never intend to. But, I will no longer apologize for my views. 

I think that's what has changed the most. I'm much more willing to put myself out there, to go out on a limb for something I believe in. Even if that means having a fight with Hunter. Or even if that means that my "friends" are temporarily {or permanently} angry with me. I no longer care if people think that I'm too close-minded because I believe that abortion is wrong under any circumstance, and I no longer care if people think I'm too open-minded because I think that gay marriage should be legal. I'm learning to be me. All the time, and I think I've always been a little bit like that. But, it's happening more and more. 

So who is this person who a year ago you decided to follow and then she left the planet? She's a little bitty 4'10" firecracker. She drinks a lot of tea, and then smears the tea leaves all over her face to make a good face mask. Sometimes she makes the duck face. She plays a lot of piano... like a lot of piano. She annotates John Green's books just for the fun of it. She's really bad at reading her Bible, but she really wants to make a point this summer to read it more. She actually sort of enjoys the act of running, just not how much time it takes. She really wants to get into yoga so that she can regain her flexibility and use it as her prayer time. Sometimes she listens to Regina Spektor, and then flips to Ke$ha, and then again to Three Days Grace, and then to Rascal Flatts. I like to watch really bad reality T.V. and I've been known to eat a whole bag of Dill Pickle chips in one sitting. I like making funny faces at myself in the mirror, and sometimes I talk to myself {okay... a lot of the time I talk to myself}. I want to make a difference in the world. I want to help kids get through their problems and express themselves through music. I want to continue growing into myself, and learn just who it is that God made me to be. I've changed. And I will continue to change. And that's who I am. And who I want to be. And who I'm growing to be:

Raw. Unedited. Imperfect. Vulnerable. 

soulmate.

Photo Credits: Lauren Anne Photography; Noëlle Byard; Lou Kilpatrick 

Dress: H&M, $10
 Earrings: Target, $7.99 
Nude Heels (not pictured): Target, $29.99

Hunter,

This school year has been one of the hardest but most rewarding things I've had to go through. Being without you for nearly nine months has been so challenging, yet I can truly see how much more appreciative I am now than ever before. I've learned through the year just how much I care about you, and how valuable our time spent together is. As much as I've loved becoming closer to you, I've also loved being able to be separate from you. And it's something that's really hard for me to have to do, but I think that we've both grown so much as different people and I wouldn't change it for the world. You make me incredibly happy. Even our fighting is worth it, because it brings us stronger in the end. It's been said that a soulmate is someone who will make you the most "you" that you can possibly be, and if that's the case you're definitely my soulmate. I love you, and I can't wait for next week when I'll be home for the summer. 

I love you.

Forever. 

More than anybody else.

No matter what. 

-Me 

Make sure to click the link for Lauren Anne Photography to see more pictures of Hunter & I and also to just check out a young photography business! Lauren is one of my best friends, and is so talented! Hit her up if you're from the Columbus area! 

Keep on Laughing

I'm generally a bit of a wallflower. And I know that the word, or phrase, "wallflower" has been thrown around quite often after The Perks of Being a Wallflower has become a phenomenon, but I truly feel as if I am one. I observe a lot, sit in the backgrounds and just watch. I'm known to be the more reserved, and quiet one of the group. Because of that I really feel like I belong in a Farmer's Market. When I'm there I get to observe everything; take in all the colors and really watch people. You see people who are engrossed in their trade, who are passionate about what they're doing. And the beautiful displays and color are inspiring to my eye.

Needless to say, I went to a Farmer's Market over the weekend. It was fun, even though I didn't buy anything. The books were by far my favorite part! So many old, old poetry books that I was just itching to buy. But, I'm really trying to save my pennies for a prom dress. Woe is me. The only thing that may have been more interesting than the books would be this whole box of spoon rings that a man had for sale. They were gorgeous and I just wanted one so, so bad. Ugh.

P.S. All these pictures were taken by one of my BFF's Lauren of Lauren Anne Photography. She's 1) a great and beautiful girl and 2) a super talented photographer from Columbus, Ohio. I left a link to her Facebook page, so be sure to check her out and contact her if you're ever in need of some beautiful pictures taken and you're in the Columbus area!

Home.

In the past couple of days snow has accumulated significantly in Mishawaka, Indiana. So much so that both of the ponds on Bethel's campus have froze over, providing an opportune place to test one's courage and walk across. {the picture is not of me, but rather one of my bff's brittany. although i also crossed the fierce reflection pond} What does this mean for me? Lots of cuddle time with Shang in my dorm when I'm not required to go to a class. 

I really enjoy my cozy little room, where most everything is either grey or purple. It has a quaint charm about it that I have come to love. I wasn't sure if I would ever feel like this dorm room was home, but come to find out: I have. I realized this today as I was finally walking back to my dorm. See, I had a really long day today. I was constantly either in class or in the practice room from nine this morning until five. And when I was walking back I realized how glad I was to be going to my room, my room. Where I live. And this... this is my new home. My home away from home. 

Snippets of the Bethel Life

I find myself back at school and beginning yet another phase in my life. I'm still in shock that I've finished my first semester of college and am now a week into my second. Not only that, but I've transitioned from living with a roommate to being on my own. I've stayed in my same room that I've had since the beginning of the year while my roommate moved floors. As weird as it was the first couple of days, I have to say that I'm really enjoying being on my own. I haven't had my own room since roughly fifth grade and it's a whole new experience being able to be completely by myself. Of course, I still have my wonderful and beautiful suite mates, but no one actually living in the same room as me. 

Last semester taught me a lot about who I am. It taught me some things about myself that I'm not so proud of, like being a complete pushover, but I also learned that I'm very true to who I am. If I don't think that something is right, I won't do it. And I still don't care what people think of me for the most part. I was always nervous that that was just a trait I acquired because I wasn't around people that often and I would lose the characteristic after arriving to college, but it's remained true. I'm confident with who I am as a person. For the most part I am a kind, caring, and really awkward person. And I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'm not a risk taker at all, and sometimes am a really big baby when it comes to things that might get me in trouble. 

I'm so excited for what these next 4 months have in store for me. Everything from my 8 A.M. Sight Singing and Ear Training class to trying to find a church that I really enjoy attending. I want to make the most of these months, and learn as much as I can. In and out of the classroom. I want to make the most of everything that is offered me, such as going to the gym {I'm on day four of going, guys!}. 

Hopefully I'll be able to write regularly, but if I skip a few days please give me some grace. If you ever really want to see what's going on in my life follow me on Twitter... I update a lot. And I've been Tumbling a lot recently, as well. I'm around for anyone who wants to chat, I hope I hear from you!

May you have a peaceful Wednesday, and may you accomplish everything that you have set out for yourself today. 

With Love,
Hannah 

The College Experience.

I miss blogging so much, and I'm going to try really super duper hard to get back into it! I miss you guys, and the whole atmosphere of my blog. It's such a great stress reliever and I really think I need this fun place for me in my life! 

You can follow me on Instagram @hannahbyard 

I'll be writing again soon! 

Gotta Get Down On Friday

Literally. Gotta get down to Indiana on Friday. Today. 

Today is Friday. 

Sure, it seems like a simple statement. A fact that is known to everyone on the planet. But it's not just any Friday, no. It's the Friday. The Friday I move away from everything I've ever known. The Friday when I become just a bit more independent... okay, well maybe that won't happen until Saturday. But still. It's a step. It's me loading up my Mama's car and driving six hours south. 

Thanks Bliss. For being the perfect place to grow up. Where the trees are plenty, where imagination soars, where Grandmas are just a horse field away. Thank you for being a place where I can lay on the beach on a hot summers day and where I can go sledding when its cold out. Where my sister became my best friend, and where I met my sweetheart. Thank you even for being the place that my Daddy can look forever on a field where horses play. I will miss you. But I'll be back soon. Pinkie promise. 

Currently...

Red Toms; Lace Baseball Tee- Aeropostale; Jeans- Delia's; Pandora Bracelets; Sailor Knot Bracelet; Anchor Necklace- Kameleon 

Loving Neutrogena Deep Clean Cleanser/Mask. It is seriously one of the better face washes I've tried and I've tried quite a few. It just makes my face feel... wonderful!

Reading Wuthering Heights. I'm actually really into classic literature and I'm loving it.

Watching girls gymnastics! Well... not now. But ever since the Olympics started I've been an avid watcher of the girls gymnastics team. They're just so good! I've also been watching the Lizzie Bennet Diaries . If you like Pride & Prejudice you will absolutely adore this. I'm dying to meet Darcy!

Thinking about how I'm going to spend this weekend. Hunter's going away with Tanner and some other boys for a guys camping trip this weekend, and I'm not entirely sure what I'm going to do with myself. Well. Work. Beach? I don't know.

Anticipating the Pandora trunk show that we're having in mid-Septemeber. I'll be coming home for it and I already have a plan of what I'll be purchasing. You know, because I'm definitely in need of a third bracelet.

Listening to Once Again by Rob Vischer. If you haven't heard of him... look him up. He's amazing. And I just love his songs.

Working on packing up some things for school. I'm trying to make lists and such, but I'm still so worried about forgetting stuff. I know I have a few weeks, but still. I want to remember everything.

Wishing that summer lasted all year long.

Life Lately...

...has consisted of getting dressed in pretty clothes, kissing the boy, drinking mango smoothies, and other random things. Also, watching Pretty Little Liars. I started watching it from the beginning, it's actually better than I thought it would be. I know, I'm so behind on the times.

I know this is a short post but I'm trying to clean my room, just be thankful I didn't show you a picture of that! Eeks, it's a disaster.

How It Flies...

I am simply blown away with how quickly this summer has gone by, not to say it's over by any means. I can't believe that in a mere twenty-two days I'll be leaving Bliss for Indiana. Starting my college career. I am trying to be overly excited about it {I am excited} to cover up my complete terror and fear. Fear of leaving. Of being without Noey, and Hunter. Of not doing well enough in my classes. Of being weird and that my roommate will hate me. Staying here seems like such a safer option. Here I have my family. And my house. And Hunter. And everything is... comfortable. And that's why I want to leave. Is that odd? Wanting to leave because I'm comfortable? But I want to grow as a person, I want to become all that I'm meant to become and sometimes the only way to truly do that is if you step out of your comfort zone a little. Or a lot. 

I'm scared.

But I'm excited.

The Way the World Turns

Lace Tank- Nadia's; Grey Cami- JC Penney; Jeans- Delia's; White Flip Flops- Billabong 

Before I even write anything, I want to tell you how unhappy I am with these pictures. Not because they're bad quality, or it's not the look I was going for, but rather because I really don't like how I look. I know, I know. Suck it up. Don't let your looks define you. But we all have our days, and that's okay. It's okay that I'm not really fond of how my legs look in these pictures. Me saying that I don't like how my legs look doesn't mean I hate my body. It doesn't mean I'm going to go on a huge diet. It just means that I'm human, and there are days that I don't like how I look. And you know, that's alright, because my worth, your worth, it doesn't come from how we look.

Okay, now that my little sermon is over with:

I love this top. I've been wanting something lace for quite awhile now and finally found this one that I really liked. I couldn't decide when buying it if I wanted the tank or the long sleeve, but as this was half the price quickly decided on the tank. Plus it's more fun for layering. I wore this to work yesterday but donned a grey cardigan for the chilly AC. I'm really averse to air conditioning. It makes me have goosebumps constantly! 
And how about those outtakes? 

Summer Secret Sisters Revealed

Last month I participated in a blog swap! It was my first ever time, and I'm definitely afraid I did not so great a job. I was so extremely confused on what exactly to do, especially the whole "don't tell who you are" part. I guess I thought that even in your package you weren't supposed to tell who you were! Go figure that you actually were. I also felt uber bad because I had to send mine out late as the send-out day was actually the day before my graduation party and I was in a state of utter chaos. The other thing I felt really bad about was that I was supposed to send nail polish {I actually picked out three of the cutest colors} and once I got to the post office I was told it was illegal to send it through the mail! Urgh! 

Lucky for me whoever got me also wasn't quite sure about the whole secretive thing and I'm not sure who you are! {If you're reading this tell me who you are, preeeetty please} I'm so so so loving my lotion that she gave me! It was absolutely the most wonderful scent and I've been in total need of some lotion. So thank you! Not pictured is a whole bag of Jelly Belly's which I promptly ate all of. 

I had Crystal Palmer  and lucky for me she loves purple. I tried to have a theme of everything purple and too bad I wasn't able to send the nail polish because it was two shades of lovely purple and then some purple sparklies. I never ended up getting a picture of everything I sent her but it included a {purple} headband, a {purple} friendship bracelet with an evil eye, some lavender Bee Bar lotion, homemade raspberry jam {kind of purple...ish} and a Nicholas Sparks book. 

All in all, I had a really great time with this Blog Swap. It was a first for me, and I hope I have the opportunity to do it again. Anyone thinking a Secret Santa during Christmas-time? 


Also, a question for all the other ladies who participated in the swap:
How do you find out about other swaps? 

Life's Tough... Get A Helmet

Cheetah Bandeau- Victoria's Secret; Grey Racerback- Victoria's Secret; Denim Shorts- JC Penney {4 years old!}

Who's a very happy camper and has two thumbs?

This kid. 

Who just got a huge package from Victoria's Secret? 

This kid.

Who doesn't have to work for the next two days?

... If you didn't answer "this kid" something's wrong with you lady, or Hunter. Seeing as Hunter is probably the only male specimen who reads my blog. 

After eight long days of working, I finally have two days off! I'm not entirely sure what I'm going to do with myself... okay. I do know what I'm going to do with myself. Send out thank you cards. Go to the beach. See Hunter. Go to the beach. Oh, and go to the beach. 

I've been thinking a lot about negativity and how it affects me. Affects everyone. And, then, when Michelle wrote about "Having it All" and how we as bloggers almost try to make it appear as if we have it all I wondered if I have that impression on people. That because I generally only write about good things if people think nothing crappy ever happens to me. I guess my reasoning for being mostly positive on Ivory Giraffes is because it helps me be more positive in real life. I guess what I'm saying is that I'm not always this happy in real life. 

I have lots of bad days. 

I have coworkers who I do not get along with, and sometimes I'm not very nice to Hunter. 

There are lots of days where I fight with my Mama, and when I take the things I have for granted. I pee my pants. I get overwhelmed. I've had so many falling-outs with friends I held dear, and some of the falling-out was my fault. 

And writing things like this is why I love blogging. I love that we're all real people, and most of us don't try and make it out like everything is all great all the time but a lot of us do try and remain positive. We're not celebrities, we're just people with passion. 

Klutz Junior

The life of Hannah is ever dramatic. No lie, gals, it's crazy in this neck of the woods. {Ha. Get it? I live in the woods...} Basically I'm the most accident prone individual that has ever walked this planet, or I guess ever limped around this planet right now. See, I can do flips on a four-inch balance beam but give me wide flat surface and my face immediately finds the ground. Literally. So, so literally. Since I'm slowing building the suspense here, I'll finally tell you my story.

On Friday afternoon I was driving my little moped to the Bliss Store to acquire some Gatorade and other goodies before heading to the lake for a few hours before going to work. Well, to get to the Bliss Store from my house you have to turn right onto a dirt road. I turned. I straightened myself out. I then proceeded to wipe out. Honestly I'm extremely lucky that the only things messed up are my knee and chin, as I only had shorts and t-shirt on. But, I have some pretty icky road rash on my knee. Which includes a hole in my knee. I'm pretty bad to the bone. 

Then, once I got home from work that evening I went to get on my computer and the power chord wasn't working. A stupid power surge went through it when the electricity went out, so as of right now I don't have my computer. Ugh. Ma life. 

Long story short:

I'm queen of the accident prone, and regular posting should resume tomorrow when I have my own computer. Gosh, I practically forgot how to use a PC. 

On a completely unrelated note, those are my straws for my party on Saturday. Saturday people. I can't believe it's coming up so quick. I have quite a bit of stuff to accomplish by then, like my bunting, my other pictures inside a mason jar, my picture collage thing, and probably a lot more that my mother will tell me in a few minutes. And those pretty flowers were given to me by the Tan Man's mother. I shall probably be using some for my tables. 

In Which I Call It Like I See It

Life is just an allotted amount of time we have to do big things, to make people notice us so that we can live forever in their memories. And we're all screaming, jumping up and down, doing practically anything to make others see us, but no one does. Mainly because they're all preoccupied doing the same darn thing. We all pretend that we like it that way. That we don't want any attention. But we're just kidding ourselves. No one wants to be forgotten. To die and have not a single soul remember them. All of us, the whole human race, tries to act so tough. Like nothing anyone says or does to us even hurts us. But our whole charade is BS. Everyone is just begging for everyone else to care. But you know? You want it. I want it. Everyone else wants it. So don't we be the ones to step out? To say, "Hey. I see that you're going through a hard time. I get that you're really sad, and you just want someone to say they care. So, here I am. I care." We all just want to be pursued.

... I wrote this in my journal the other day {Some mild editing since then} when I was at the beach. By myself. Being sad and depressed about the fact that one of my favorite people in the world had moved away. I'm wounded. Not just by her moving, but by everyday life. We're all so wounded, but no one ever goes to be the bigger person and say "Hey. I'm wounded too. Just like you." That's all any of us wants. Some recognition.

I don't care who you are. You're wounded. I know it. This isn't just an assumption about you, it's something that I know for a fact. We all have our wounds. Some different than others, but all the same. The same in that they hurt. And they're real. Whether your best friend turned her back on you, your dog died, or your Mom is in the hospital. They're all equal pains. And here I am saying, I'm wounded too. Sometimes I let my wounds define me, even. Sometimes I let them control me. A lot of the time I let them control me. And I'm really sick of pretending I'm alright all the time. It's exhausting.