It's The Little Things...

...like taking a nice bath while having a candle lit after an equally nice run. 

My Mom has always said that she hated baths because "who wants to sit in their own dirt", but I absolutely adore them. Just being completely surrounded by warmth makes my heart sing. And I like when my heart sings. And bubbles. I like bubbles. And making big white beards with the bubbles. That also makes my heart sing. There really are a million and one positives to taking baths. So go take a bath. Light a candle. And smell delicious. 

Change is Good.

And then she had short hair.

If you follow me on Twitter you'll know that on Sunday I chopped off a good portion of my hair, which came as a shock to not only you guys but also myself. I've been working on getting long, not layered, healthy hair for a good three years and while my hair was definitely long it still had some layers and the ends were quite damaged. So Sunday night off it went... but then today I looked at it and thought "go big or go home" so Noelle took the shears to it once again and bam! it's to my shoulders and I love it. My hair can officially grow in peace, with no layers to bother with and no bangs to be annoyed by. And in the meantime it looks pretty darn fabulous. I may even keep it like this for a little while. I know, I know, who am I becoming?!? 

Nineteen.

{image}

Nineteen.

Nineteen years living on planet earth.

Nineteen years of living in Bliss.

Nineteen years of being Hannah Byard.

Nineteen years of learning, making mistakes, and being redeemed.

Nineteen years worth of tears, smiles, and laughs.

Three.

Three years without you on planet earth.

Three years of being in Bliss, but not at home.

Three years of being Hannah Byard, that girl without her Daddy.

Three years of learning, making mistakes, and being redeemed without you.

Three years worth of mourning, tears, and remembering happier times.

I'm stuck trying to figure out which number is more important. Nineteen, is obviously a bigger number. There are happier times in number Nineteen, and Sixteen of those years were spent with my Daddy. But Three seems to be longer. Three seems to be more important in the long run than Nineteen, or next year Twenty or the next Twenty-One. Three turns to Four, which turns to Five.

Happy Nineteenth Birthday to me.

Happy Three Years in Heaven, Daddy.

just me

Hi. My name is Hannah.

Maybe you don't remember me, but this post is showing up for you because a long time ago I used to blog regularly and you must have liked me so you hit the little follow button. But, then I went to college and got busy. Which sort of stinks. But, now I'm home again {which doesn't stink!} and have found myself with time again. So here I am. Writing again. Wishing I wouldn't have taken the time away from the blog, because now I find it hard to figure out how to do this crazy thing again. But instead of saying all this, how about I reacquaint you all with myself? 

In these nine months I think I've changed a little. Hunter says I have. And he knows me better than probably anyone in the entire world, sometimes a heck of a lot better than I know me. So he's probably right. I think I've been changed, and not because of some life-changing chapel service that I'll forever remember. Or some really awesome Shupe Group {Bethel lingo for Freshman Girls Bible study}. If I'm being completely honest with you all, which I've learned is the best way to be, I didn't really learn that much through the chapel services or the Bible studies. I learned about who I am through everyday dorm life, and everyday class life. I changed more in those two hour Exploring Christian Faith classes during the first semester that I loved, yet hated because it was a part of my F.Y.E. than in all of the chapel services put together. I discovered more of who I was during the nights of laughing and opening up to my newfound friends. Through my freshman year I learned how to open up completely, to let people see me for me. I've always said that I was a genuine person, but I think I've finally truly learned what exactly it means to be transparent. And sometimes transparency means that people get upset with me, and they don't like what I have to say. But I'm no longer afraid of the anger that people might have towards me. I'm no longer afraid of making people uncomfortable. I will apologize still for making you uncomfortable, because I never intend to. But, I will no longer apologize for my views. 

I think that's what has changed the most. I'm much more willing to put myself out there, to go out on a limb for something I believe in. Even if that means having a fight with Hunter. Or even if that means that my "friends" are temporarily {or permanently} angry with me. I no longer care if people think that I'm too close-minded because I believe that abortion is wrong under any circumstance, and I no longer care if people think I'm too open-minded because I think that gay marriage should be legal. I'm learning to be me. All the time, and I think I've always been a little bit like that. But, it's happening more and more. 

So who is this person who a year ago you decided to follow and then she left the planet? She's a little bitty 4'10" firecracker. She drinks a lot of tea, and then smears the tea leaves all over her face to make a good face mask. Sometimes she makes the duck face. She plays a lot of piano... like a lot of piano. She annotates John Green's books just for the fun of it. She's really bad at reading her Bible, but she really wants to make a point this summer to read it more. She actually sort of enjoys the act of running, just not how much time it takes. She really wants to get into yoga so that she can regain her flexibility and use it as her prayer time. Sometimes she listens to Regina Spektor, and then flips to Ke$ha, and then again to Three Days Grace, and then to Rascal Flatts. I like to watch really bad reality T.V. and I've been known to eat a whole bag of Dill Pickle chips in one sitting. I like making funny faces at myself in the mirror, and sometimes I talk to myself {okay... a lot of the time I talk to myself}. I want to make a difference in the world. I want to help kids get through their problems and express themselves through music. I want to continue growing into myself, and learn just who it is that God made me to be. I've changed. And I will continue to change. And that's who I am. And who I want to be. And who I'm growing to be:

Raw. Unedited. Imperfect. Vulnerable.